Pushed Away

Nurtured them from birth,
delighted by their firsts...
helped them stand on their feet-
answered their questions

Be their ONLY friend--
But when they started to go to school and gained friends of the same age
they'll start to push you away
she pushed me away... and preferred her girl friends (hmm.. chaka naman sila)

Told you from last time's post that I am not ready yet to move to the other room. I can't sleep without the feel of my kids' skin against mine.

This morning was the end of the 4-day Sportsfest at my kids' school. Parents were invited to witness the showcase of talents. It was so sunny, then it begun to drizzle, then sunny again... I was with Hans majority of the time as I hold a huge umbrella to keep him in shade. Then I decided to check on Bea and give her water. After the usual ritual of powdering her back and nose and giving her water, she said, "Mommy si Hans" and gave me the impression that she wanted me to go stay with Hans so she can mingle with her girl friends. This is her first (with angst @#$%). Actually, she prefers to be with Tita Ruth, but that's okay.

Bea is just eight and we have a long road ahead of us. I'm thinking... I really need to start counselling myself and accept the fact that I am just her steward. I remember my papa's speech on my bro's wedding, "Mayroong may-ari sa kanila [mga anak] at darating ang panahon na kukunin na sila ng [owners] nila."

I know it's too early for me to feel "empty". Am I menopausal?

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