Thursday, October 13, 2011

"Cry It Out" Sleep Training ~ Nope!

One of the ugly-parenting-experiments I regret about is ~ "Cry It Out" Sleep Training I did with Bea! I hate myself for even considering it. I was a first time mom then, who thought that I would be a better parent and that MY parenting style was better than my mom's. Crap! I know.
I had this book-series about pregnancy to parenting and followed everything it said. After infancy, every night, I put Bea in her crib, in the other room, half-dark. She cried for me in the half-dark room but I ignored. I remember how my helper would run to the room to check on Bea and I had to tell her that I had things under control. Explaining it to her 'judging look' was EMBARRASSING. I felt something was crazy wrong.  My mom told me to stop following the book. I am a Filipino, western-type-of-parenting doesn't apply here.

The book said, this sleep training would raise 'secured'  and independent persons. Carry your babies to a minimal otherwise you're growing brats. Self-soothing will teach them that sleeping is not an option, and in turn, give everybody a good sleep... including me, the MOM who's "EXHAUSTED" the whole day taking care of her.


Doesn't this sound bitchy? It is now that I'm thinking about it. After all, I am her mom, for crying out loud, what else do I need and should do but to nurture and take care of her? Hours spent taking care of the baby is a blessing and not a big regret in life.  Yes, you get tired but it pays off. Sad that I realized this after seeing Bea's photo with poppy eyes, then I was slapped, shaken and woke up to end her horrible nights. I ACCEPTED that CO-SLEEPING was building kid's SECURITY, after all. How I was nurtured and raised, the Filipino-way, was in fact filled with LOVE.

"Kelan mo pa kakargahen at hahalikan ang anak mo, pag malake na siya?" [When are you supposed to carry and kiss your child, when she's grown?]~ THE BEST parenting advice for me! Time flies.

My mom used to say that Bea is an image of a 'happy' and 'secured' child: the exact words she said.  Is it safe to say that my cuddles, hugs and kisses painted this child in her?

I still CO-sleep with my kids (I don't find this embarrassing!). I co-sleep NOT because they're not secured with their own world but because I AM not SECURED. I can't sleep without the feel of their soft hands against mine. They're growing and we had to change our sleeping positions so the four of us would fit the bed. Sometimes, I would ask myself, when will I be ready to give them away to the other room. In my 8 years as a mom, I'm afraid, I still can't answer this question. I'm NOT READY yet. I guess, I think I'm just passing through this world, I have LIMITED time being an earthling and time is never enough for me to hug, kiss, and cuddle my gifts.




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4 comments:

  1. Let's learn from cats and dogs who love to cuddle with their offspring when they sleep. If beings like them do that, why shouldn't we? :)

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  2. awwwww... thanks Gay!
    i also learned something from 'eagles'~ female eagles, no matter how great and strong they are in catching preys, once they become moms, they stay at their nest to look after their babies while waiting for the great dads to come home with food. But that's another perspective, right? Guess, God designed things to be as such. HUmans, in his intelligence, often alter things and do his way bec of pride and being stubborn.

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  3. Well perhaps I came from the other end of the story here. I grew up sleeping alone in bed, alone in the room. With it, I was reared to be independent, unafraid of dimly lit room. Perhaps the byproduct of it is too much discomfort in sharing a room with someone now, like during camps or overnight stays outside. I am not sure of the parents' side as you mentioned here, though.

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  4. Wow Neil, nice to hear your story!
    To each, his own parenting style. you've been raised a beautiful person. Praise God!

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